A theme/train of thought

via Macaframa

1. Skating in a pool full of balloons… like a grown-up Chuck E Cheese’s ball pit. With more skill involved.

2. Sky full of balloons.. makes me think of Globophobia, and also of how whimsical and nostalgic it is to see a balloon in the sky.

3. Bubbles

4. The beautiful suicide scene in Rules of Attraction. I know it’s messed up, but the music and cinematography are perfect.

5. Angelina in a bathtub. Need I say more?

6. I have always wanted a clawfoot tub since I am a huge advocate of baths.. though only when traveling, and in hotels. I often fantasize about having my own clawfoot tub, hanging out and reading in it, drinking wine in it, being soaped up by a hunky man in it…

7. Oh, Dita. She’s a heroine of mine. And we share an ex boyfriend (Marilyn Manson). Well.. I actually had a really involved dream about how he and I dated. It was a very intense relationship. I described this dream to Dan when we were first met and he thought it was hilarious how detailed it was and also that Manson gave me foot massages and flowers.

If you can’t tell… I’m extremely bored at work, but what else is new?

~Kiki

Political emails

Over the past week or so I’ve been getting some very political emails, which is appropriate given how close voting day is. This is one I got this morning:

Take a moment

———————————————————— PBS has an online poll posted asking if Sarah Palin is qualified. Apparently the republican party platform knew about this in  advance and are flooding the voting with YES votes. The poll will be reported on PBS and picked up by mainstream  media. It can influence undecided voters in swing states. Please do two things — takes 20 seconds. 1) Click on link and vote yourself. Here’s the link: http://www.pbs.org/now/polls/poll-435.html 2) Then send this to every single Obama-Biden voter you know, and urge them to vote and pass it on. The last thing we need is PBS saying their viewers think Sarah Palin is qualified. please pass it on!!

And also, I’ve been completely confused by these facts from Rock the Vote:

Today’s New York Times article was dead wrong.

You may have seen the article today accusing Rock the Vote of giving you the wrong address to mail your voter registration form. This is not true–Don’t let this sloppy journalism scare you.

Rock the Vote’s online registration form, when printed, gives you the address for the New York State Board of Elections to mail your registration to.

According to the United States Election Assistance Commission, this is the correct address. But we wanted to double-confirm, so we also checked with the NYS Board of Elections. Twice, in writing, the Board of Elections confirmed this is the correct address to send registration applications. (check out the emails!)

However, the story did uncover a different problem. It appears that the New York State Board of Elections is not processing some voter registration forms in a timely manner. (Rumor has it there are at least 35,000-40,000 forms in the backlog).

Please check your registration TODAY at https://voterlookup.elections.state.ny.us/votersearch.aspx. Please email us at Vote@rockthevote.com if you have encountered a similar problem.

_____________________________________________________

This is a truth: I have never cared about politics, especially in America, and I still can’t say I care a whole lot, but I definitely care more than I used to. It’s hard not to be aware of the political dilemma right now since it’s everywhere, especially in the form of parody (such as SNL). An interesting article was written, Saturday-night Politics, in the New Yorker last week that swayed me, check it out here. At this point, regarding voting, I feel like I’m choosing the lesser of two evils.

~Kiki

AA (nothing to do with alcohol)

Assholes Anonymous. Otherwise known as American Apparel. I get emails from them every so often, which I hate opening because it’s usually some pasty, hipster chick showing off her latest yoga pose layered in far too much clothing, or far too little and sans under garments, and also said-clothing never seems to impress me. This morning’s email has proven to be no different.

I’m sorry, but this is just ridiculous:

I understand that they’re trying to prove how versatile their $28 piece of circular cloth is… but really, it’s a $28 piece of circular cloth. I’m not saying I wouldn’t wear it, but I definitely wouldn’t pay for it, not that I ever do anyway.

~Kiki

All I can think about

As much as I love getting paid, very minimally, to essentially sit here and work on this site, and try to entertain myself, it can get kind of boring and monotonous…

This is my train of thought that keeps going around and around and around in my head:

1. Drinking a gin martini. Or three.

2. Which makes me think of beer

3. Which makes me think of lots of alcohol

4. Which makes me think of burlesque dancers

5. Which makes me think of sex

6. Which makes me think of cigarettes (though so does pretty much all of the above)

7. Which makes me think of how hot Joaquin Phoenix is, especially when he played Johnny Cash…

and the circles goes around and gets added to about every 10 minutes.

~Kiki

Cardiac arrest

I’ve always had a fascination with the human heart, figuratively and literally, and especially tools that gauge it and work on it. I remember handling a lambs heart in kindergarten and I couldn’t stop poking my fingers through the valves. My father had two heart attacks by the time I was five years old, or around that age, and I remember not understanding what it all meant. A healthy Scottish diet of margarine sandwiches, meat & potatoes, and smoking heavily will do that to a guy, I guess. I remember going to the gift shop in the hospital because I wanted to get him some Rolos, since they were our favorite candy at the time, and when I handed them to him he looked so weak but his smile was so warm. Funny how things change.

I also couldn’t pronounce, or spell, “hospital” for the life of me. I always thought it was “hopsital”, and reminded me of “constable” from Mary Poppins.

I’m not a fan of the music necessarily, but the use of the cardiograph is great.

~Kiki

Queen got it right

Bicycle! Bicycle!

This video calms me.

And also makes me want red stockings.

~Kiki

Well said

I’ve been thinking a lot about art, what makes someone call themselves an artist, and whether or not I qualify as one anymore, or if I really ever did… An arts degree doesn’t make you an artist by any means, for some it can help you get there… then again some of my favorite artists have had no formal training whatsoever and they seem to have been better off.

“A rock star is not someone who takes the temperature, who gauges the marketplace before he creates his “art”. A rock star is someone who needs to create and is willing to tolerate the haters along with the fans. He’s someone who incites controversy just by existing. That’s what we lost in the dash for cash. Unique voices. I’m not saying we haven’t ended up with some pleasant music, but it just hasn’t hit you in the gut, it’s the aural equivalent of Splenda, it might do the trick, but it’s not the real thing. The real thing grabs your attention, drives down deep into your heart and lodges itself there. A rock star doesn’t follow conventions, doesn’t go disco or add drum machines just because everybody else does. A rock star exists in his own unique space, and if you met him you probably wouldn’t like him. Because he tends to be self-focused to the point of being narcissistic. Because he cares. He needs to get his message out.” – Bob Lefsetz

see the original post here at Macaframa

~Kiki

OMG LOL BBQ

While Angelina is out adopting babies from Africa, Natalie Portman has her own vegan shoe line, and Nicole Richie and her baby’s Daddy are speaking out against Darfur, lil’ ol’ Hilary Duff here is making some waves too:

Now that is something we should all think about while running the water when brushing our teeth.

Also, how hilarious would it be if Lindsey Lohan-job did this PSA?

via Frisky

Meet me in my parent’s basement

I just got this email from Urban Daddy about this new “meeting spot”. My immediate reaction to the picture was “ew”.

Maybe it’s the lighting, and lack of windows, but seriously this looks like a souped-up version of your parent’s basement where kids go to free-base while watching Kids.

Here’s UD’s description

This is the clincher:
But what we’re really intrigued by is the…extracurricular possibility of the space. Since the place is all yours when you rent it, the owners have an anything-goes policy. So if you’re looking to throw an old-school spiked punch holiday party, need a new space to run your high stakes strip poker game or have a burning desire to host a screening of your three-part documentary on the life and music of Air Supply (we’ll be busy that night), this is your place.

Click on the picture above for more info on the space.

Per se and Love

I recently revealed my love for the ampersand. There’s a blog I subscribe too that is dedicated to this fancy, little character and this is the latest post:

To check out that blog just click on that hot little symbol above.

It was found at a construction site. Which reminds me that I need to charge my camera because I’m sick of passing by so many wonderful things every day and only having the images stored in my mind. And I also need to book a couple tattoo appointments. And I need to take out the recycling. And I need to stop thinking about how much I dislike my job. And I need to stop complaining.

Thanks Ampersand!

~Kiki

If I had a blank check

I would spend most of it on home furnishings.

I’m not a huge Urban Outfitter’s fan because they a) overprice everything, and b) they’re a huge corporation but nonetheless they have very cute stuff, and they’re sales can be pretty good. I realized that the older I get that my tastes are cultivated by things from my past. This may be an obvious truth for everyone, so I apologize for stating the obvious.

1. Melina Club Chair- This salmon color is a favorite of mine. Not to wear, since I pretty much only wear about three different colors (shades, if you will) but aesthetically this pleases me.

2. Danish Modern Coffee Table- I don’t need to say much here. It’s perfect.

3. Wizard of Oz glasses- My favorite cups to drink out of in my house are pint glasses, and I’m pretty sure my roommates and I have acquired them by 5-finger discounting.

4. Sun Jar- Energy efficient LED that attracts sunlight and then lets off a warm glow. Better than catching lightning bugs!

5. Around the World Illuminated Globe- My father is obsessed with maps and globes and I never thought anything I made fun of him about would rub off on me but I have to that I am my father’s daughter. Plus I’ve always wanted a light-up globe. I also share his love of war movies, though I’ve yet to get into Detroit mo-town.

6. Crosley AV Room Portable USB Turntable- I love and hate this. I wish I could say I had a great record collection, but I don’t. So I have to settle for newer technology. I can already feel the eye-rolling.

7. Boosted Stiloso Headphones- I wish I had a collection of headphones. I feel like Goldilocks when it comes to choosing a pair and I still haven’t found the right fit.

8. Silver Ocean Globe- I hope I become an old lady with hundreds of maps and globes surrounding me, less smelly than being a cat lady; and by old I mean 40.

9. Mid-century chair- Danish inspired design, and turquoise is another favorite color of mine. (Probably because my first swim teams colors were turquoise and black)

10. Lomography Diana Dreamer- I like lomo.

11. Crosley Classic Kitchen Phone- I’m totally nostalgic for kitchen phones with long cords. I had one as a kid, as I’m sure most of us did, and I used to love wrapping myself up in the cord like a mummy. Child hazard?

12. Chandelier wall decal- This may be more Suz’s taste but I definitely concur.

All available at urbanoutfitters.com

~Kiki

I have never been jealous of Bingo

….until now.

“We’ve never made a secret of our political affiliations. Journalistic neutrality is so “Old Media.” That’s why we have no compunction about telling you about the blast we had at Obama Bingo, a small, private spaghetti party that snowballed into a full-out campaign contribution rager featuring intimate performances by Grizzly Bear, Nico Muhly, Marissa Nadler, and Beirut.” — Refinery 29

Uh, spaghetti party with Beirut?! Why weren’t we invited?

And before you even utter the words, “Who’s Beirut?” check out their music. Life-changing and Gulag Orkestar is very representative of a part of my summer last year.

L: Ed Droste of Grizzly Bear, R: vid director Patrick Daughters

Zach Condon and Perrin Cloutier of Beirut

~Kiki

Featured site: Subway Life

Antonio Jorge Goncalves draws people on the subway. This reminds me of sketches I used to do when I was in art school. I never thought I would say I missed my freshman year when most of that sketching was done… but I do.

(Click on the picture to go to the site)

via Smosch

~Kiki

Christian Louboutin 8 in. stilettos!

Victoria Beckham in CL 5inchers

(Click on the photo for the whole story)

I love heels and all, but seriously… 8 inch stiettos?! I can hear the skinny ankles of Mary Kate Olson snapping now…

Wisdom in a Starbucks cup

I awoke still drunk from last night, and definitely still feeling the effects presently, though for some reason, very hopeful. Petting my dog had a new allure to it, and even just the feel of my sheets around me felt divine. The song I’m listening to sounds better than it ever has before and this cappuccino is saving my life right now, though I have a feeling it all has to do with the alcohol still swimming around in my system. This is what is written on my coffee cup:

The Way I See It #141

“I used to feel so alone in the city. All those gazillions of people and then me, on the outside. Because how do you meet a new person? I was very stumped by this for many years. And then I realized, you just say, “Hi.” They may ignore you. Or you may marry them. And that possibility is worth that on word.” — Augusten Burroughs

I have had a love/hate relationship with Starbucks for years, and I’ve always found it funny that you can tell how a country’s economy is going by the price of a latte. The first time I enjoyed a Starbucks, I believe, was in the Philippines (which is still priced ghastly lower than here). The franchise near my house was a regular spot for my friends and I to meet up on our rollerblades and skateboards, though we didn’t drink coffee, we usually got lollipops and sodas, I think flavored Crystal Geyser’s to be exact. I remember that at this time I had no idea what capitalism meant, or franchises for that matter. Then I moved out and skipped off to Hawaii. Not until my junior or senior year of high school did they open a Starbucks in my small town and at first I was quite excited about it. There had only been one coffee shop before and it wasn’t the best for caffeinated beverages, or so I thought. Looking back, that little coffee shop is the kind of place I would go to now: cozy, art on the walls, friendly people, and unpretentious coffee with good prices. In high school I definitely didn’t fully realize that the Starbucks was taking business away from that cozy, little coffee shop though I can say that I have some great memories from it.

My best friend at the time, Leialoha, and I had a strange (and in our eyes, hilarious) habit of getting all dolled up and going to the supermarket and/or Starbucks, renting a movie, and then going home. I remember revealing some tearful/awful/ridiculous/embarassing things to each other over a chai or a hot chocolate in that Starbucks, and for that I wouldn’t trade the world. Especially since I did a hit and run (on a car, not a person) outside of the other little coffee shop, for which the cops came to my school and took me in. And to that, I wish you all a good morning.

~Kiki

Palin as President

A reader of our blog, Blake, sent us this hilarious website:

http://www.palinaspresident.us/

Thanks to Blake, I now have yet another thing to distract me while at work.

I don’t know what’s up with the first couple of seconds of the vid but it’s a very…er… enlightening video. After the two minute mark it gets a lot better. Such a maverick, that Palin.

A new appreciation for the UES

This is a terrible stereotype, but I’ve always thought that residents of the Upper East Side were… well, in a word: douchebags. In more words: hoitie-toitie, up-themselves, J.Crew/Ralph Lauren wearing freaks with no sense of humor. Though, obviously, this is an extreme stereotype.

In my search for tickets to the Crystal Castles show on the 23rd (which Suz already has tickets for!), I kept being amazed at the prices people are trying to sell the tickets for. $80, are you kidding me? The show’s at Webster Hall, you assholes! I know I haven’t graced this earth long enough to say I am a sage, or hold infinite wisdom in my years, or anything, but c’mon… I remember when $20 was an outrageous price to pay for a ticket, and it would at least be at a great venue worthy of the price, as opposed to now where people pay $20 to go to a show with a bunch of sweaty hipsters in a dingy basement and get their $120 Irregular Choice pumps all muddied.

And then I saw this:

It reads, if you want to skip clicking on it:

“Just wanted to send out a quick FUCK YOU to all the trashy dickwads buying tickets to Bowery shows and reselling them for 5 times the list price. You’re all garbage.”

To which I emailed them: “I couldn’t have said it any better.”

This person is my hero for the day.

~Kiki

getting picked up while i pick-up

this past week it has been all about the chinese food around the corner for me. just the other night i hit my 99¢ store to pick up some mochi ice cream and at the counter just in front of me i see some pony tailed stocky hobbit in a gross flannel shirt, stone washed jeans and timberlands. he was picking up some raspberry smirnoff. guess he had a really hard day at his computer.

i walk out about two steps behind him, it’s late and we are the only two on the block. we are walking in sync and i sure as hell am not going to slow my pace for his comfort and security. he hears the clickity clack of the ball that jingles in my favorite pair of wedges that i wear everyday. i have no desire fix this rattling, people always know when im on the block. so he hears my shoe rattling behind him, turns his head and gives me a dirty look for following closely. whatever, im about to turn into the chinese resto two doors down and lose this hobbit.

but of course, he frolics right in to pick up his usual. he hears me rattle my way in behind him, turns to me and asks if im stalking him because “i wouldn’t mind it if you were.” i giggle politely and say, “umm no im just picking up.” he collects his order and notices that i have a short wait so he plops down at the table next to me to arrange his take-out in the same bag as his smirnoff while staring at me. clearly he isn’t picking up on the signals like my back turned to him, im hunched over and fiddling with my phone praying to my lord and savior that he doesn’t approach me. i imagine he was also looking to his lord, gandolf of lord of the rings, for a witty exit line to shoot me.

single gals nightly companion

not to my surprise, after several minutes, the hobbit gussies up the admirable courage to tap me on the shoulder (men, don’t tap, it’s weak and creepy), “i wish your next victim luck and i hope to catch you lurking behind me again.” i kindly give a chuckle, “oh. right. byee,” i mutter. my asian friends give me a sympathetic look as they hand me my order, “he nice young man.”

great! now my chinese take-out place is trying to play match maker. it’s already embarrassing enough walking out of there alone on a thursday night with my smiley faced plastic bag holding my dinner for one.

x suz

who knew star trek could get my attention?

no earthlings, star trek has not died yet. can any of you cable viewers let us know if the afternoon reruns are still circulating? this time around they got my attention…as my mother would say, the actors are so hunky. i’ll take the curly haired geek in the front and leave the pretty boy in black to my roomy.

my roomy and i have drastically different taste when it comes to men and most everything else for that matter. however i do recall a concert we went to early on in our merge. we both swooned over a pony tailed beauty. as soon as my roomy noticed our common interest, she leaned over and whispered, “lets take him home, you can have him first then send him over my way.” i looked at her with a brow raised in intrigue. keep in mind this is coming from a blonde, conservative, girl next door, legal assistant from texas. as you can probably imagine we instantly became the best of friends.

-suz

via gizmodo

My very own Palm Springs dentist’s office

…Minus any actual dental equipment.

I have been out of the office for about a week and today when I walked in my jaw would have dropped in disbelief (along with a “What the fuck?”), but a coworker was sitting at our “communal desk” (a.k.a. a dining room table) so I thought against it. We now have THREE more office plants. And they’re big. They sit in three corners of the room. I have to point out that we still don’t have a trash can. I’ve worked here since August.

Those are two of the four plants. So gorgeous… especially considering the room we call an office is so small. It feels like f’ing Jumanji in here.

These are the wonderful things we DO have:

• A large armoire/foldout desk that is fucking hideous
• A sofa lounger covered in a coral red patterned fabric
• Two armchairs that are mustard yellow
• A microwave that has been used maybe three times and a mini-fridge
• Crystals (Yeah, like the science class kind)
• Four office plants
• and, A hat rack/umbrella stand (6 hooks, a mirror, and a drawer that holds our bathroom keys)

At our morning meeting (a.k.a. when my boss decided to stroll in at 12:30 pm), I brought up the idea of getting a trash can, for the hundredth time, and also a water solution for the office, since I’m sick of carting a bottle of water to work everyday and also can’t justify paying $3 a day for water. The trash can idea went over how I assumed it would and went unresolved. I said “Okay, so do you want to set a deadline for yourself, say tomorrow, or Monday?” His reply: “Oh no no… I need to shop around. I don’t want to get just any old trash can. I’d say in the next two weeks.” My reply: “Yeah. I guess you would have gotten one by now if you just wanted a plain old trash can. Well, okay” (while trying my damndest to mask my disapproval and sarcasm).

Are you kidding me?!

And he also added that he doesn’t feel the need to provide his employees with a water solution. And we could all chip in for a monthly water solution if we felt so inclined. Thanks, buddy.

~Kiki

Do You Have Douchebag Hair?

How someone like that exists, I have no idea. This article from Details mag is hilarious. And speaking of douchebags, for those who have been keeping up with the blog you’ll have read about a certain man I call “RZ”. That’s gone completely down the drain and I would be surprised if it were to resurface. All I have to say about that is that it’s rude to leave a lady hangin’. Also, thanks to him I now have a thing for guys with beards. Great. Thanks a lot for that one.

~Kiki

Liquor then beer, you’re in the clear

This rule has never applied to me. Well, I’m not going to say never, but I am queen of having a stomach similar to a garbage disposal. Like right now for instance, I’m drinking a beer… it’s not even 5 o’clock. Oh, and I had wine with lunch. Sancerre to be exact. I met up with Suz at Pink Pony, a cute little french place in the LES, after I took the GRE this morning. The test wasn’t terrible, but it definitely wasn’t great (which can almost be said about the restaurant as well). And all the people that work there seem to hate their jobs (the testing center). I understand that working at a test center would seem menial, but you could be working at a DMV, which would be a whole lot worse. Though, if you’re one step above being a tranny that works the photo station at a DMV, then I would probably want to kill myself too (I actually knew one, or encountered one, at the DMV in California where I got my first permit).

Apparently I was breaking a bunch of rules at this test center by just being fully clothed. I had to take off my jacket (which is a little boys army jacket with ripped pockets), my scarf ( a gauzy piece of fabric, barely even a scarf) and my watch (because it’s digital. If only they knew that I paid $10 for it and it works of its own volition, and definitely doesn’t have a calculator); and they joked that I could keep my shoes. Such great humor, those test monitors… plus there are signs everywhere saying “Do not drink here”, “No food past this point”, “This area is not deemed for eating or drinking”…. Yeah, we got it. The test area lobby is small enough for me to flop around on the floor a couple times before I actually hit anything, I’m sure we got the memo about the whole eating/drinking thing. I was so annoyed by the whole, restrictive attitude of the place that I am almost tempted to go back for another test in a winter parka, balaclava, combat boots and G-shock watches up to my elbows.. oh wait, then I’d actually look like a terrorist. So scratch that idea.

Oh and also, as soon as my test ended (I actually hit “END TEST”), one of the monitors came around and spied that my flimsy, little elastic hair band that was sitting innocently next to my scratch paper was not hugging my wrist, to which he whispered “Um…. yeah… can you put that back on your wrist please?”

To which I politely barked “WHAT?!”

Again he whispered, while motioning like a pedophile “that… yeah. can you put it back on? Thanks.”

I’m not even going to go into analyzing the ridiculousness of that last encounter.

I don’t mean to sound negative, I’m actually in a great mood. The flashback to the test center just got me all riled up. Tonight Susie and I are watching the debates in my old neighborhood of Fort Greene… we’ll definitely post up about it later!

Who needs craigslist?

When you can meet fine, young gentlemen while walking your dog?

For example: Tonight when I got home from studying all day with Suz, I decided to take Bella to the park so she could run around. I let Bella off her leash and am standing in the park, which is really a baseball field, where there are no lights on and the sun had already gone down. To an onlooker, I most likely looked like a shadow and you definitely wouldn’t be able to see any of my features. Most likely just an outline, and conveniently I have breasts so that you can tell I’m female. My gentleman caller, standing against the fence about 25 feet away, was obviously swayed by ominous, faceless figure and decided to let me know, from said-distance away:

“Hey, you’ve got great legs!”

Me: “Uh… Thanks” (In a very flat, monotone voice)

“Ya wanna have some fun?”

Me: “No. Thank you.”

“You sure? I got a condom.”

Me: “Wow. That is SO romantic. But I’m good, thanks.”

“I mean, I’m just being straight up. Ya know?”

Me: “Yeah. I got it. Now get the fuck out of my face.”

And, to think I could have made sweet love to this gentlemen is almost calling me back to that baseball diamond. Oh well, there’s always next time.

~Kiki

GRE= Get Really Excited

If only that’s what GRE actually stood for. I’m really sorry to everyone who’s been following our blog and has realized our lack of material. I take the GRE tomorrow morning at 9 am, once that’s over I will be back to pollute your minds with more nonsensical garbage. I have no idea how I’m going to sit through four hours of that test tomorrow. Wish me luck! … Speaking of nonsensical garbage, tomorrow the presidential debates are happening. Just kidding. Well, kinda.

I can actually say I’m registered this year. And to those of you who’s eyes are popping out of your heads and asking “What?! She’s been legal to vote for how long?!”… I never actually gave a shit before. Now I do. So there.

Oh, and on more domestic news, I may have solved the rat problem. After stuffing holes with steel wool and setting three different kinds of traps baited with peanut butter and corn chips, I hung out in my kitchen longer than I have in quite some time and made mashed potatoes with garlic sauteed kale. Comfort food for a discomforted mind. I hate tests. Oh well. At least I can take this one over and over again if I feel so inclined. Yeah. Right.

Check back in soon! There will definitely be eye candy within the next couple of days.

~Kiki

tp? water? or hand?

after a quick pow-wow we decided this post was far too gross to post. ever been to india? click for cultural elightenment.

ask for mr.lee

one of our loyal readers has strategically investigated the highly systematic cancellation policy of the monstrosity that is time warner. innocent little ol’ paul attempts to cancel his cable service, he connects with many different sales reps and quickly discovers that they all give him different cancellation fees. the moral of this exercise is that sales reps of major corps like tw are bullshit. don’t give into their ridiculous demands. and for the love of god, ask for mr.lee! please refer to pauls video for insight into the investigation.

thanks paul! props for keeping your cool with each rep.

“And on a date I would take you on a magical quest…”

“… for jewels and mystic wish granting orbs.”

So to explain that… I’m going to be completely honest here. I’ve been craigslisting.

I know.

Yes, I know.

It’s seriously some of the most entertaining material these eyes have seen in quite some time. I mean, just to think of all the men in New York I could be hanging out with. I could be someone’s sugar mama, or they could be my sugar daddy, or I could be getting cunnilingus for breakfast, a non-sexual foot massage for lunch and then holding hands with some guy that just saw Nick and Nora’s Infinite Playlist which made him realize he’d like to have a special someone. Like me. And it’s been great to think that I meet the requirements of half of the men on there because of the fact that I’m Asian (well half. So maybe I meet half of the half of the requirements).

To be serious though, through much weeding and screening I emailed a couple guys that met my requirements: Between the ages of 24-30, didn’t sound too over anxious to meet a real live girl and/or didn’t display signs of severe psychological disorders, his ad didn’t include the words “submissive”, “sweetie”, and/or “lonely” and didn’t have any lol’s or smiley faces going on.

So my title line for this post is the last sentence from the last email I received from a guy with a beard, tattoos and lives in Greenpoint. He seems great… so far. Especially since he sent me this video as the answer to the question “What’s the last song you listened to?”:

I’m always amazed at my prowess in the art of procrastination. Just after I thought I couldn’t possibly find anything more on the internet to steal me away from studying for the GRE, I found the personals on craigslist. I had already watched some more episodes of Californication, went through my reader, looked at recipes for things I never plan on making, read a book online, and window-shopped… Its a good thing craigslist is here for me. Day or night, rain or shine… maybe I already found my man. Mr. Craig Slist. At times he can be creepy, and sometimes I wonder about his faithfulness, and what that weird rash is, but he’ll always be there for me and hasn’t failed me yet. Whew. My search is over. Now I can stop looking at all these ads with pictures of greasy guys, balding guys, hairy guys, and my favorite, the pictures of the skyline, nature or some random famous person. I mean, really, do you think a chick is going to want to date you because you had the balls to post a picture so that there’s the indicator of an image attached, and then realizes that you’re a chicken shit and also deceitful?

Unbelievable.

Oh, and by the way, just so you don’t think that I’m wasting my time only on the internet, I also saw a rat in my kitchen this evening. And an hour later I saw a little mouse on the floor. To say I was freaking out is an understatement. That little thing was not even afraid of me. Which enraged me. And seriously, I may be an animal activist, but when you’re disease-ridden, dirty, and not afraid of me in my kitchen, it takes everything inside of me to not crucify that thing in the hopes that it will be a warning to those who try to enter after it. This is war. Albeit, a war I have no idea how to fight. I need to borrow someone’s cat.

~Kiki

Insight

Hi everyone,

Susie and I have taken a break from the blog this weekend, which was a subconscious decision. We’ve both been all over the place; figuratively, emotionally, physically, you name it. Personally, I’ve been needing to take a few steps back from my own life to see things more clearly. Last night, when speaking to a friend, I realized that I’ve spent so much time trying to find the answers to my questions, and also defining certain rights and wrongs in my life, living by my own rules, that I’ve found myself in a place where I want to rebel against it all. I’ve never been one for normalcy, or living within confines set about by society, parental figures, authority figures or anyone really… and now I realize that I had become that type of figure to myself. I have been torn apart by two conflicting personalities, my id and ego if you will, and they came to a clashing halt in my brain a couple days ago. I threw up my hands in defeat and let out an exhaustive sigh as I realized that by trying to make my life as perfect as a house of cards, all I wanted to do was to knock the entire thing down while laughing as all the cards flutter down around me. With that, I’m giving myself a much needed break.

Today has been one of the laziest days I’ve had in a long time. With my decided break, I’ve been able to appreciate some of the things, that I’d forgotten about, that I used to enjoy. As I write this I am sitting in my living room, with my puppy crowding the chair and her head resting on my right arm, the windows open, and listening to the radio. I woke up late, haven’t bothered putting any makeup on (and don’t foresee myself doing that anytime today), ate leftover chinese food, and have been reading all day. Besides the crowded thoughts in my brain, that I am breathing through and not actually letting  come to the surface, today has been wonderful, and just what I needed.

I just received an email a few minutes ago from a dear friend of mine with this picture attached:

Hope you all had a great weekend, and have a nice Columbus Day!

Love, Kiki

Let me tell you a story

I’m sitting here in 88 Orchard, right next to Suz (we’re such dorks), and The Kills is playing. This is where I enter storytime:

Years ago, when I was a younger, much more impressionable, young lass, I was introduced to The Kills. This band is a two-piece comprised of Jamie Hince (a.k.a. “Hotel”, and Kate Moss’s boyfriend) and Alison Mosshart (a.k.a. “VV”). 2003 is when the love affair with them began, and I got the opportunity to see them a while later, when exactly I don’t remember, but I was under 21 because I remember having my fake ID taken away from me at the Bowery Ballroom. Anyway, at this point they were in my ever-rotating top five bands. For everyone who knows me, they understand my music geekdom and how important the bands are in my top five; to get a slot in there, you better be fucking great. To say I was excited to see them play is an understatement. I get to Bowery, have a beer, walk in to the main space and notice a bunch of people in one corner wearing Sony VIP press passes. That was weird because The Kills seemed so non-mainstream at this point. I’m going to cut this story short, but I walked out on the band after about 2 and a half songs, as I flicked them off. I was appalled at how terrible they were. Hince is a terrible guitarist, he knows maybe 4 power chords. Mosshart is a terrible singer with even worse stage presence, which was enhanced by her über-hipster hairstyle of having her bangs completely cover her face. Oh, and those drums in the back of their songs? Drum-machine. Which really isn’t a negative point generally, but this just adds to how shitty they were/are. Not to say I don’t fully enjoy their first two albums still, but they’ve been tarnished greatly.The best part about that night was that I got my ID back from the bouncer when I left.

Oh, and the other night when I was having dinner at Red Bamboo in the city, Mosshart was sitting at the table next to ours. And yes, she is as pasty and strange-looking in real life.

~Kiki

San Francisco

Oh, how I miss thee. For all you Bay Area kids check out Mike Giant at White Walls!

Common knowledge:

via hkfixed

~Kiki

My lovely friends

I think it’s hilarious that in my inbox I received an email from MeanRed productions and in it was a link to a video on bike jousting. Lo and behold, these are some of my wonderful friends:

❤ Kiki

Out of control

I have been feeling for the past couple of days that everything I know to be true is all of a sudden unraveling and showing a different side. And I mean everything. I hate this feeling. I don’t know what to do and I’m hoping it will go away. I have done certain things to fix hiccups in the past and I thought that once something has been fixed that you don’t need to pick up the pieces again… but I guess everything always needs a tune up. I know I’m being very vague, but at this point I don’t even know what I’m talking about. Well here are a few clues: my job, my body, my relationships, my animal activism… so pretty much my whole life.  I want to crawl into my bed and hibernate for the winter. Though running away never fixed anybody’s problems, especially mine. I hope in the morning I can find the courage to face my demons.

And could I possibly use more euphemisms?

~Kiki

james lipton pays kiki a visit

1. how do you think your local bodega (convenient store) personnel perceive you? They don’t really see me very often. Though when they have seen me, I was either dying of a cold or extremely hung over. So they probably don’t think much of me, considering I usually have sunglasses and a hood on.
2. where is your favorite place you have lived? Edinburgh, Scotland. Every time I go I find it increasingly hard to leave.
3. where do you live? and what are your local hang outs? I live in Bushwick, Brooklyn. And no, I don’t call it East Williamsburg. People who call it that are sissies. My local hang outs are Wreck Room (all my friends work there), Life Cafe (which I used to hate), and a little park where I hang out with my dog.
4. describe your imaginary friend? (come on now, you were an only child. don’t be shy) Believe it or not, I didn’t have an imaginary friend. I did however have a fascination with a bunch of plastic horses that I had. And My Little Pony’s.
5. stance on veal and foie gras? In the words of Susie to a co-worker, “Oh… she’s an… animal activist”. Yeah… I think both are gross.
6. how do you think people perceive you upon first impression? Most women have told me that I come across as stand-offish or bitchy. Men have said that I just seem like I don’t take shit from people.
7. favorite cocktail? Slightly dirty gin (Bombay or Tanqueray) martini on the rocks with three olives. Which sounds like heaven right now. Oh and for those of you who dont know, you should never have an even number of olives. It’s bad etiquette.
8. glass half full or glass half empty? (lame, ok time to spice things up) Depends on how bad my day was and what I’m drinking.
9. most unorthodox job? Dominatrix in a dungeon.
10. first thing you ever shop lifted? Probably makeup or jewelry.
11. biggest sexual pet peeve? Whiskey dick. But that’s everyone’s pet peeve. I cannot stand when a guy holds my head. When I’m giving head its bad, and even worse when we’re actually banging. Like c’mon, do you really need that much more thrusting stability?
12. annoys you most about your boss? This could be a list unto itself. Probably the amount of times he says “I implore you to ask me about (insert whatever it is he wants)…” The dude needs way too much attention.
13. favorite swear word? The fuck word.
14. biggest indulgence? When I travel by myself I usually like to stay in a hotel if I have a bunch of layovers and the first thing I do is run a really hot bath. I literally close the door and strip off my clothes. I hang out in there for at least an hour or two. If I don’t go exploring, I order room service. Which is limiting, so sometimes I’ll run to a little grocery story and get a bunch of stuff and hang out on the bed and watch weird foreign TV. Japan is the best for all that, though they have small bath tubs.
15. what’s your biggest turn off? Anything to do with the mouth, really. Bad manners at the table, bad kissing, bad breath, improper use of grammar..
16. favorite reality tv show? I used to really enjoy Real World when I actually used to watch TV. I haven’t had cable in 8 years. Though I caught a few episodes of Rock of Love and A Shot At Love with Tila Tequila and they were awesome!
17. what age did you leave home? 15

18. have any pets?I have a cute little terror of a puppy named Bella. She’s half pit/half dachshund.
19. other than at work, who do you see most frequently?My main man, Dan. He’s the brother I never had. We have the strangest friendship ever. And I love it.

20. what’s the hardest thing you’ve recently had to do? Bite my tongue.

20 Questions

Suz and I had this great idea that we should interview each other so all of you can get to know us better. We both wrote out twenty questions for the other one and then we’ll both answer them once they’ve been posted. I have a feeling that Suz’s will be much more serious and interesting than mine is but that’s probably fitting.

Hi Suz, how are you?
That wasn’t the first question…. Alright, so here we go. And feel free to post pictures of stuff in your answers.

1. Where did you grow up? austin, texas. keep austin weird ya’ll!
2. Where are you currently living? orchard st, les, nyc
3. What’s the weirdest thing you like to eat? cottage cheese and frozen raisins
4. What’s your ultimate non-food guilty pleasure? reading on my fire escape watching the double decker tour bus riders point and take pictures of me in my native habitat
5. If you could have sex with any female celebrity, who would it be? dita von teese
6. Who’s wardrobe would you raid? rachel bilsons
7. Where are your top 3 hangouts in NY? 88 orchard cafe, my fire escape, west side bike path
8. What is your favorite libation? dirty beefeater martini with olives
9. Have you ever done the walk of shame, and can you describe it? i try to disguise my goofy smirk, i smudge my mascara even more in the attempt to remove, carry unmentionables in my clutch, my dress is inside out and i always walk or use public transportation
10. Why do you think we get along so well? our quirky sanity
11. What bands are you listening to right now? (List 5) ratatat, crystal castles, beirut, fischerspooner, junior boys
12. If you could go back in time, what era would you live in? the 1870’s high society with elaborate fussy fashion and regulated gender roles >
13. What’s your idea of the perfect date? an active and engaging activity where he majorly embarrasses himself
14. What are your current favorite movies? (List 3) religulous, mal educacion, breakfast at tiffany’s
15. What are your bad habits? losing my keys, saying “i understand,” eating the same thing for weeks
16. What’s a sexual pet peeve that you have? people touching my belly button
17. Can you describe the worst date you’ve ever been on? had dinner at 6:30, he told me he just lost a bunch of weight, he barely ate, was super passionate about fantasy baseball (wtf is that?), could only talk about college and his frat…skipped dessert
18. What is always in your bag? (List 5) lip balm, kleenex, cell, debit, ishuffle
19. Do you identify more with your mother or your father? papi
20. What’s the best compliment you’ve ever gotten? translated from spanish, “your eyes are like luscious grapes and i want to devour them.”

-suz

Anorexic models… what?!

Runway models are aliens. Seriously. To women everywhere: starving is for losers, leave it to the people who actually can’t afford to eat.

*Sorry if that sounds more fucked up that I intend it to be.

~Kiki

sunrise at veselka

soon after my last post in the wee hours i got a phone call from a friend which peeled my lids open even more. an hour later i found myself biking to veselka (resto where pierogis can be enjoyed 24hrs a day). i met a friend there to hash some things out until 7am! this peaceful hour was the perfect timeframe for the most diplomitic discussion i have ever had with the most rational man i’ve ever come to know. i biked off into the sunset dodging the morning commuters, came home to my warm bed and got a good hour of sleep. it’s noon. my eyes are bloodshot.

-suz

what’s keeping me awake tonight…

…this poster (which should be added as item #156 on this poster)

my windows face allen st. and my backyard is chinatown. i fall asleep to the neon characters flashing through my closed lids, the street cleaners trying to get the smell of gash off the streets and the click clack sound of cars zooming over manholes. it’s now 1:30 am. i can’t help but run through all of these potential reasons why i cant sleep that i read earlier this afternoon on a swissmiss posting. i thought i might spread the word so that i’m not the only one with bags under my eyes. you’ve been warned.

suzzzz

This is what we do

… on a Tuesday night.

I’m at home, in Brooklyn, watching my puppy chew through two stuffed toys and has now finally moved on to the NylaBone, and I honestly wouldn’t be surprised if she chews through that too. Susie is at our favorite cafe that is right near her house in the LES, watching hot boys… well supposedly.

*And yes, we also chat online along with having a blog together and we also text message each other. We’re what you call “technologically inclined”. Now all we need is a podcast…

Susie: i have no idea when this place closes

i wish it were 24 hours

there is a MAJOR hottie

that kinda looks like jesus

on a PC

me: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Susie: making an awesome comic

me: i definitely know the type.. well besides the PC comment
Susie: yeah

it threw me off

me: yeah who the fuck uses a PC anymore

Susie: and he’s wearing a college ring

me: EW

what?!

okay he sounds terrible suz
Susie: yeah he’s so not the type

no hes amazing

you would love him

me: you should take a pic of him on your phone and put it on the blog

hhahahahaha

Susie: it doesnt really help, i cant see his face

he has long hair

me: so this dude looks like Jesus, Cousin Itt, wears a college ring and is using a PC. wow. he sounds like a winner. Or the caveman from Geico.

and in that case, I’d hop on it.

lemme guess.. he’s also wearing birkenstocks with

socks.

Susie: no tight black skinny jeans and cute navy V sweater

and bright collared shirt

and he’s fucking beautiful

me: I’m seriously sitting over here laughing my ass off

imagine biblical facial hair not captured.

susie homemaker is ready to put her head in the oven

i have so much i want to blog about right now but i think that most of what i have to say will be a slap in the face for many of the people closest to me that will be reading this. for that matter, i dont want to go into too much detail, but to name a few things on my mind…people who are letting go of friendships, couples who are inseparable and highly dependent, people who can’t let go of past relationships, those who are being taken advantage of, flaky people, those who lack any sense of responsibility and essential communication skills, cheap bastards, not following through with your word and

as just notified by a situation going on with kiki, shitty klepto’s and liars! im clearly in a bad place right now that i will probably get over in a few minutes. everyone reading this will probably think i am talking about them but i’m probably not. i can imagine that these issues apply to a lot of readers.

hugs and kisses

suz

other persons shoes

can everybody take a moment a put themselves in the other persons shoes. who ever it is in your life, just do it. i for one am sick of being the understanding one and taking shit. i wish everybody would try to just take a look from the other persons perspective. any relationship, you’re close friend or friend that’s trying to get close or “girlfriend”.

i have to apologize for not posting much lately, left kiki hanging. but she understands! she’s been busy listening to all of my bs too. im studying for the gmat and writing app essays for grad school. kiki is also taking the gre soon and we need to start studying together instead of blogging. oh well, the blog must go on!

-suz

Mices.

I have a feeling I may be broiling a mouse right now.

Unless soy-cheese melting makes that weird sound with random bumps and thuds.

Gross.

~Kiki

Bjorkish

Someone once asked a friend of mine what I looked like. She answered, “Bjorkish.”

My hair is back to black now. I’m still not used to it.

On a lighter note, we have a new addition to the office. I may or may not write about her. But all I have to say is that she has a tongue ring. She’s probably around 30. And apparently she’s the second person my boss ever felt up. He told me this. “Well technically she’s the first. Ya know, under the shirt and through the sleeve.”

What the hell that means I have no idea. That’s all I’m going to say.

~Kiki

hot. chip.

Pronounced with a Swedish accent “hhaught cheep”

Susie and I (and her little sister) went to see them at Terminal 5. The show was “eh” with a gratuitous shoulder shrug. Crowded, sweaty and full of drunk chicks that kept knocking into me. And some weird dude who seemed like he was trying to chat me up and kept talking to me during the show, and then as we were leaving asked “Do you like Hot Chip?”

Clearly, I don’t. I like to throw away $35 on a band I don’t like and hoof it to midtown (and seriously, I don’t go above 14th street except for work) and to get stepped on by 18 year old wanna-be strippers from Long Island. Also, I don’t know how he expected me, or anybody, to take him seriously when he was wearing a bright powder-blue cardigan.

via brooklynvegan

With that said, the show wasn’t amazing, but wasn’t bad, and they definitely got huge points for having their last song be Sinead O’Connor’s “Nothing Compares To You”.

Afterward, we walked in and out of a party, had a martini and I went back to Brooklyn where I consumed many more martinis at my local bar and at 4-something-AM I got a call from RZ, which is when he got out of work. It’s hard to tell which calls are a booty call, if they are at all, or actually if they all are, since this man is completely nocturnal. The last thing I remember about that night is when we walked out of the bar and he asked “Your place or mine?” and I said his, because my bed had clean laundry all over it. In the morning I seriously almost asked him “Did we have sex last night?” Though, this would have been rude and I knew better, considering we were both naked and I had those itty-bitty flashbacks of sexual positions. I left his place around 4:30 pm, took out my monster of a puppy, and then called up Dan to tell him I was taking him out to dinner and that we were seeing Burn After Reading. When Suz called me to invite me to see that movie with her and her sister, I was literally just walking out of RZ’s house and they were going at 5 o’clock. Dan and I intended on seeing it after our wonderful dinner at Kate’s Joint (one of my favorite veg restaurants) but the time we wanted was sold out!

We went back to Brooklyn, and came back to my house to find a puppy with a swollen left eye. It was really gross but could have been worse, and I adore dogs that have an eye or a leg missing, don’t ask why, so I was secretly hoping she would lose her eye. That’s totally sick and twisted, I know, but at least she wasn’t in pain. The swelling went down a couple of hours later and we went to sleep.

Overall, this weekend was pretty good. And now I can’t stop listening to Viking death metal. (It drowns out everyone in the office very well, might I add)

Quotes by Dan

Some things that were said by Dan over dinner tonight:

On a t-shirt he wants to make: “McCain sucked my balls… and all I got was this lousy t-shirt”

On what he wants for his birthday: “A huge bottle of lube and complete access to your body for six hours”

Dan also accidentally touched an old woman’s butt on the subway on our way home. It was hilarious. Because he thought he was grabbing one of the train poles.

Tread lightly

I may have just entered fuck-buddy territory. Damn.

Fall is here

… and it makes me very excited!

And I have no idea how this got formatted so weird.. but bear with me.

Today has been really strange. “Carrie Bradshaw” (my boss, Susie’s former boss) is totally crazy. We’ll explain later on as to why they are so similar. Though I feel like we may be insulting SJP… then again I’m not the hugest fan. Wanna hear my best joke?

Sarah Jessica Parker walks into a bar.

Bartender says: “Why the long face?”

Onto more important things, like fashion, duh.

For some reason I’m really into navy right now. I’m always been all about wearing black or grey, but I feel I’m about to be seeing much more navy in my wardrobe. I really want a pair of navy ballet flats and matching stockings. Hot.

fredflare.com Are you my sister?

Over at Smosch.com there’s some definite loveliness going on:

How adorable are these!?!?

Dallas Shaw always amazes me.

Wikstenmade just posted some great clothes (from here) that I want but the price tag is much too steep for me… this makes me sad. And the sweater with red elbow patched reminds me of those sock monkey things… right?

This is just too clever, and if I had trees in my backyard, I would most definitely get this:

lifegoods.ch via swissmiss

Why, oh why, is this so cute???? and Sold Out!?

(bonspiel creation from etsy.com)

Somehow the formatting progressively got worse as this post went on, and I’m too lazy to fix it. Uh wait.. I guess I kinda fixed it. Damn you, interweb! Why must you be so complicated?!

I hate being sick. This sucks. It makes everything that much harder. Do you ever notice how much people complain when they’re sick? Wah wah wah.

My puppy destroyed my living room. AGAIN. This time she attempted Scrabble and I guess wanted to watch a bunch of DVD’s, especially Man on Fire? So creative this one… Oh, and guess what? I’m dying my hair. In a few minutes. Well, whenever I can get my ass out of this chair, stop watching Mad Men, and somehow digest all the broccoli and rice I just ate.

Bloccori and lice.

I’m super excited for tomorrow night, Suz! I hope RZ can come so you can finally meet him. Though that’s looking kind of bleak right now. I’m sure many more things will have progressed by the time we see each other tomorrow night. Oh, and one more thing. RZ constantly says “Oh ya know.. Stuff and things” in reference to a lot of … stuff and things. It’s fucking adorable. I think he actually grabbed my ass and tits and said “What are all these stuff and things?” and then I think a day later we were at a bar and someone asked him what he’s been up to and he said “Stuff and things” (Though different tones used in both cases). I’m a piece of meat (or tofu, or whatever). And I love it.

We need to plan our Dexter party.

Yup.

Chris Gray and Sarah Palin

I heart this piece by Chris Gray:

And this is just hilarious (stolen from swissmiss):

Birth Control and Air Conditioning

“All you really need.”

I am totally coming down with a cold. FUCK. This pisses me off. Being sick is not what I do. Or how I roll. And RZ just messaged “I think I am headed for a boys night out. I’m weird. Tonight” This is unfortunate though completely understandable. Oh, and today I said to Dan (while listing off how awesome RZ is and how I haven’t found anything wrong with him YET) I said, “[RZ] is the cutest text messager ever.”

Shoot me.

Holy shit

I just ordered a new MacBook online. That was one expensive click of the thumb. 

 

The reason for the expensive click is because my old piece-o’-shit decided to die. Yesterday. 

I’m excited about the new one though because hopefully I can find a cute decal thing to cover the boring whiteness that is bound to get extremely dirty.