“And on a date I would take you on a magical quest…”

“… for jewels and mystic wish granting orbs.”

So to explain that… I’m going to be completely honest here. I’ve been craigslisting.

I know.

Yes, I know.

It’s seriously some of the most entertaining material these eyes have seen in quite some time. I mean, just to think of all the men in New York I could be hanging out with. I could be someone’s sugar mama, or they could be my sugar daddy, or I could be getting cunnilingus for breakfast, a non-sexual foot massage for lunch and then holding hands with some guy that just saw Nick and Nora’s Infinite Playlist which made him realize he’d like to have a special someone. Like me. And it’s been great to think that I meet the requirements of half of the men on there because of the fact that I’m Asian (well half. So maybe I meet half of the half of the requirements).

To be serious though, through much weeding and screening I emailed a couple guys that met my requirements: Between the ages of 24-30, didn’t sound too over anxious to meet a real live girl and/or didn’t display signs of severe psychological disorders, his ad didn’t include the words “submissive”, “sweetie”, and/or “lonely” and didn’t have any lol’s or smiley faces going on.

So my title line for this post is the last sentence from the last email I received from a guy with a beard, tattoos and lives in Greenpoint. He seems great… so far. Especially since he sent me this video as the answer to the question “What’s the last song you listened to?”:

I’m always amazed at my prowess in the art of procrastination. Just after I thought I couldn’t possibly find anything more on the internet to steal me away from studying for the GRE, I found the personals on craigslist. I had already watched some more episodes of Californication, went through my reader, looked at recipes for things I never plan on making, read a book online, and window-shopped… Its a good thing craigslist is here for me. Day or night, rain or shine… maybe I already found my man. Mr. Craig Slist. At times he can be creepy, and sometimes I wonder about his faithfulness, and what that weird rash is, but he’ll always be there for me and hasn’t failed me yet. Whew. My search is over. Now I can stop looking at all these ads with pictures of greasy guys, balding guys, hairy guys, and my favorite, the pictures of the skyline, nature or some random famous person. I mean, really, do you think a chick is going to want to date you because you had the balls to post a picture so that there’s the indicator of an image attached, and then realizes that you’re a chicken shit and also deceitful?

Unbelievable.

Oh, and by the way, just so you don’t think that I’m wasting my time only on the internet, I also saw a rat in my kitchen this evening. And an hour later I saw a little mouse on the floor. To say I was freaking out is an understatement. That little thing was not even afraid of me. Which enraged me. And seriously, I may be an animal activist, but when you’re disease-ridden, dirty, and not afraid of me in my kitchen, it takes everything inside of me to not crucify that thing in the hopes that it will be a warning to those who try to enter after it. This is war. Albeit, a war I have no idea how to fight. I need to borrow someone’s cat.

~Kiki