i knew that kiki would appreciate this one ; ) especially after the posts from yesterday… two of the highest utilized sites (at least for new yorkers), craigslist personals and google maps have finally merged!
you can find the nearest poontang or peen in your tristate area. you can really narrow down your searches too, i’m seeing anything from “fun honest person looking for mr.right” to “luscious lassita lass.” give it a shot and those of you who come back alive should report back.
via gizmodo
This is a terrible stereotype, but I’ve always thought that residents of the Upper East Side were… well, in a word: douchebags. In more words: hoitie-toitie, up-themselves, J.Crew/Ralph Lauren wearing freaks with no sense of humor. Though, obviously, this is an extreme stereotype.
In my search for tickets to the Crystal Castles show on the 23rd (which Suz already has tickets for!), I kept being amazed at the prices people are trying to sell the tickets for. $80, are you kidding me? The show’s at Webster Hall, you assholes! I know I haven’t graced this earth long enough to say I am a sage, or hold infinite wisdom in my years, or anything, but c’mon… I remember when $20 was an outrageous price to pay for a ticket, and it would at least be at a great venue worthy of the price, as opposed to now where people pay $20 to go to a show with a bunch of sweaty hipsters in a dingy basement and get their $120 Irregular Choice pumps all muddied.
And then I saw this:
It reads, if you want to skip clicking on it:
“Just wanted to send out a quick FUCK YOU to all the trashy dickwads buying tickets to Bowery shows and reselling them for 5 times the list price. You’re all garbage.”
To which I emailed them: “I couldn’t have said it any better.”
This person is my hero for the day.
~Kiki
When you can meet fine, young gentlemen while walking your dog?
For example: Tonight when I got home from studying all day with Suz, I decided to take Bella to the park so she could run around. I let Bella off her leash and am standing in the park, which is really a baseball field, where there are no lights on and the sun had already gone down. To an onlooker, I most likely looked like a shadow and you definitely wouldn’t be able to see any of my features. Most likely just an outline, and conveniently I have breasts so that you can tell I’m female. My gentleman caller, standing against the fence about 25 feet away, was obviously swayed by ominous, faceless figure and decided to let me know, from said-distance away:
“Hey, you’ve got great legs!”
Me: “Uh… Thanks” (In a very flat, monotone voice)
“Ya wanna have some fun?”
Me: “No. Thank you.”
“You sure? I got a condom.”
Me: “Wow. That is SO romantic. But I’m good, thanks.”
“I mean, I’m just being straight up. Ya know?”
Me: “Yeah. I got it. Now get the fuck out of my face.”
And, to think I could have made sweet love to this gentlemen is almost calling me back to that baseball diamond. Oh well, there’s always next time.
~Kiki
“… for jewels and mystic wish granting orbs.”
So to explain that… I’m going to be completely honest here. I’ve been craigslisting.
I know.
Yes, I know.
It’s seriously some of the most entertaining material these eyes have seen in quite some time. I mean, just to think of all the men in New York I could be hanging out with. I could be someone’s sugar mama, or they could be my sugar daddy, or I could be getting cunnilingus for breakfast, a non-sexual foot massage for lunch and then holding hands with some guy that just saw Nick and Nora’s Infinite Playlist which made him realize he’d like to have a special someone. Like me. And it’s been great to think that I meet the requirements of half of the men on there because of the fact that I’m Asian (well half. So maybe I meet half of the half of the requirements).
To be serious though, through much weeding and screening I emailed a couple guys that met my requirements: Between the ages of 24-30, didn’t sound too over anxious to meet a real live girl and/or didn’t display signs of severe psychological disorders, his ad didn’t include the words “submissive”, “sweetie”, and/or “lonely” and didn’t have any lol’s or smiley faces going on.
So my title line for this post is the last sentence from the last email I received from a guy with a beard, tattoos and lives in Greenpoint. He seems great… so far. Especially since he sent me this video as the answer to the question “What’s the last song you listened to?”:
I’m always amazed at my prowess in the art of procrastination. Just after I thought I couldn’t possibly find anything more on the internet to steal me away from studying for the GRE, I found the personals on craigslist. I had already watched some more episodes of Californication, went through my reader, looked at recipes for things I never plan on making, read a book online, and window-shopped… Its a good thing craigslist is here for me. Day or night, rain or shine… maybe I already found my man. Mr. Craig Slist. At times he can be creepy, and sometimes I wonder about his faithfulness, and what that weird rash is, but he’ll always be there for me and hasn’t failed me yet. Whew. My search is over. Now I can stop looking at all these ads with pictures of greasy guys, balding guys, hairy guys, and my favorite, the pictures of the skyline, nature or some random famous person. I mean, really, do you think a chick is going to want to date you because you had the balls to post a picture so that there’s the indicator of an image attached, and then realizes that you’re a chicken shit and also deceitful?
Unbelievable.
Oh, and by the way, just so you don’t think that I’m wasting my time only on the internet, I also saw a rat in my kitchen this evening. And an hour later I saw a little mouse on the floor. To say I was freaking out is an understatement. That little thing was not even afraid of me. Which enraged me. And seriously, I may be an animal activist, but when you’re disease-ridden, dirty, and not afraid of me in my kitchen, it takes everything inside of me to not crucify that thing in the hopes that it will be a warning to those who try to enter after it. This is war. Albeit, a war I have no idea how to fight. I need to borrow someone’s cat.
~Kiki
Two Girls With Great Taste 